please

I'm afraid of dying
But I also never put on the seatbelt when my mom is driving.

I always feel like crying
But I call my red eyes "being tired" - which is not a lie, since insomnia is slowly killing me.

I try to move on and live my life
But everything reminds me of you - every street, every store, even the seats in the streets.

How did you move on so fast?
How can you enjoy being out with your friends and smile?
Why can't I?
Why does it seem like everyone is slowly leaving me..?
Why did the only person I needed on my side disappear ..?

I need you...
Please come back.. I promise I won't be as annoying, I promise I won't be so depressed, I promise I won't let my anxiety take over me.. but please
come back.

Numb

I really don't know how to start this..
How do you write away your feelings when you don't even know exactly how you feel?
I'm a bundle of emotions and a complete void of them.
How do people cope with heartbreak? With feeling like something is constantly missing?
How do you cope with grey and numb?
How?
but the hardest questions to answer are the ones that linger throughout the day.. and those aren't the 'how' questions.. they are the 'why' questions.
Why did it have to end like this?
Why did it have to happen to me?
Why did you have to leave me?
Why does it feel like I'm always struggling to breathe, eat, sleep, live?
and why was it so easy for you to leave?
Why did you move on so fast?
Why does your life get to be a beautiful palette of colors and mine is completely grey?
Why does it feel like this is all a dream?
.
.
.
Why do the people around me ignore the fact that I'm hurting?
why is everyone distancing themselves from me?
What is wrong with me?

Get me out of this nigthmare
I'm numb.